Dialogue for Win/Win Outcomes Part 4

CREATE A POOL OF SHARED UNDERSTANDING

Most of the time, people have different perceptions of the same event or situation.  It is through our communication that we attempt to help others understand our point of view.  We try to overcome the differences in our perceptions.

If we believe that only our point of view is correct, and we try to convince others that we are "right" and they are "wrong," we set up resistance and power struggles.  Rather, creating a pool of shared understanding includes getting assumptions, points of view, and inner experiences out into the open and searching for a common reality.

ARRIVING AT A WIN-WIN OUTCOME

We need to create a mindset of win/win.  Rather than viewing people as enemies to be conquered or objects to be manipulated for our benefit, we see them as real human beings with needs, feelings, and aspirations similar to our own.   We have a mentality of abundance rather than scarcity and are willing to share recognition, opportunity, and power, trusting that these will be reciprocated to us.  One person's success does not detract from our own.  We recognize what we have in common and that, in the long run, we will succeed or fail together.

Until next time...

 




Sheryl Tuchman, SPHR, SHRM-SCP
http://tools2succeed.com/

Team Decision-Making Part 1

A high-performance organization is built on productive teamwork. It is essential that teams make decisions effectively and efficiently. In this newsletter, we will explore how to improve team decision-making.

 

Barriers to Team Decision-Making

• Limited experience together
• Conflicting member goals
• Not sharing information
• Competition: "My idea is better than yours."
• Agreeing too quickly before critical discussion
• One or two people dominate
• Group is too large or too small
• No one takes the initiative
• Low trust
• Limited time

Until next time...






Sheryl Tuchman, SPHR, SHRM-SCP
http://tools2succeed.com/

Build a Culture of Trust and Collaboration Part 2

Zero-Sum Game

• Gain of one team is offset by the loss of another team
• Winning or losing may be less important than the total relationship
• Negotiation and compromise may help everyone “win”  

Consider the following questions:

• What happens when you compete against someone on your own team?
• Who wins when the football center competes with the quarterback?
• When is it important to win?
• How can we work together so that everyone wins?  

Negative Competition

• Poisons interpersonal relationships
• Destroys organizational effectiveness
• Diverts time and energy
• Destroys goodwill
• Provokes anger, resentment and retaliation   

How to Build Trust

1. Always tell the truth
2. Stick to your word
3. Do what is right
4. Do what you say you will do
5. Share openly
6. Put yourself “in the other’s shoes”
7. Make decisions as a team
8. Set goals as a team
9. Work together to achieve those goals
10. Look for common ground
11. Be open-minded
12. Ask for feedback and act upon it

Until next time...






Sheryl Tuchman, SPHR, SHRM-SCP
http://tools2succeed.com/

Build a Culture of Trust and Collaboration Part 1

It is essential that supervisors, managers, and HR professionals build a culture of trust and collaboration so that employees feel that they can come to them to discuss any problem that may arise.  It is important to distinguish between trust and liking.  Ideally, employees should like their supervisors, managers and HR professionals, but even if they do not, it is imperative that they trust them to do the right thing.

Trust is confidence in our relationships with others. 
We earn trust gradually. In the book and movie, "The Little Prince," a make-believe little prince visits earth from his own tiny and far-away world to learn about life.  One day, he meets a fox.  He is enchanted by the fox and wants to play with him, but the fox is afraid of him and won't come near him because he doesn't know him.  The fox, sensing the prince's desire to be friends, asks him if he will tame him.  The Prince explains that he would love to tame the fox, but he doesn't know how.  So, the fox then teaches him what he has to do to tame him:

"Every day you must meet me at the same place near the edge of the wheat field, but don't come too close at first.  If you come every day at the same time and to the same place, I will begin to get use to you.  Then each day, you can come a little closer and a little closer, until finally we touch.  When we touch and embrace, I will finally be tamed."

In the scene in the movie, Gene Wilder, who plays the fox, and the little prince are careful to keep their distance as they meet each day, and gradually they get closer and closer.  When they finally touch, they embrace each other and dance around in the woods with excitement and relief because they are so happy to finally be friends.

Developing trust is like taming the fox.  You build a little at a time by consistently meeting the expectations of the other and treating him or her with respect and kindness until you become friends and are comfortable working together.

Until next time...






Sheryl Tuchman, SPHR, SHRM-SCP
http://tools2succeed.com/

Communicate Openly and Directly Part 5

The Passive- Aggressive Style
This style of communication combines the desire to avoid face-to-face interaction (passive) with the desire to "win" and control the outcome to get one's own way (aggressive).  It is usually done behind the other person's back and is seen primarily as deceitful and dishonest.  This communication is almost always done "undercover" and secretively with an intent to manipulate people or teach them a lesson.  It is damaging and dangerous because it destroys the team environment and the trust and respect needed to facilitate assertive communication.

The person who uses passive-aggressive communication/behavior incorporates some or all of these tactics:

• May not offer ideas or opinions in order to control or hide information
• May tattle or gossip about others
• May seem supportive on the surface but actually criticizes people and their ideas behind their backs
• Enjoys seeing others' ideas fail
• Likes to get people to take sides against another person, policy, or idea
• Is the exact opposite of the open, honest communicators that organizations need today 

In Conclusion

• We can now recognize the communication styles and behaviors that we and others are using.  We can also choose the style we want to use in each situation and commit to building skills for more open, honest, and assertive communication.
• Most people communicate without much forethought or planning, content to say whatever comes to mind.  Unconscious communication is about "reacting" rather than about making proactive, conscious choices.
• We all need to take greater responsibility to think about the best way to demonstrate assertive communication and behavior in both our personal and professional lives.

Until next time...






Sheryl Tuchman, SPHR, SHRM-SCP
http://tools2succeed.com/

Communicate Openly and Directly Part 4

The Passive Style
This type of communicator avoids confrontation at all costs because passive people never really say what's on their mind.  Passive people always put their own needs and concerns last in a desire to be liked and accepted by others.  When used too often, this style makes the passive communicator become more and more frustrated because he or she ends up pleasing no one at all!  Regardless of whether the cause of the passive behavior is low self-esteem, fear, or guilt, it usually makes the situation worse than it already is.  The person who initially seems so willing and accommodating turns out to be withdrawn and overwhelmed, often unable to keep those commitments that are so easily made.

The person who uses passive communication and behavior incorporates some or all of these tactics:

• Allows others to take advantage of him or her
• Sometimes produces rushed, inaccurate, or late results due to taking on too much
• Agrees to all requests and demands, even unreasonable ones, rather than saying "no"
• Becomes overwhelmed and tired; cannot fulfill even basic commitments
• Doesn't complain out loud, but may be angry or hurt underneath
• May ultimately "blow up" after taking abuse from others for a period of time
• Loses others' trust because of lack of follow-through
• Hides the truth, which is often perceived by others as dishonest or lying behavior
• Tries to please everyone, even at his or her own expense
• Feels guilty getting his or her own needs met
• Annoys others by giving vague, noncommittal responses

Until next time...






Sheryl Tuchman, SPHR, SHRM-SCP
http://tools2succeed.com/

Communicate Openly and Directly Part 3

The Aggressive Style
This type of communication holds nothing back – usually at the other person's expense.  The feelings of others are discounted or disregarded, and the interaction is not characterized by respect.  The aggressive person gets his or her needs met by controlling others, dominating the situation, and manipulating others.  Aggressors literally say or do anything to get their own way, and it doesn't matter who gets hurt.  The aggressive style is used because it works!  Others give in or give up.  However, the bottom line is that any relationship based on fear, control, or guilt will never be successful or healthy in the long-run.

There are 2 basic patterns to aggressive communication, both of which involve manipulating others. The 2 most manipulative emotions are hurt and anger.  These 2 emotions are not always manipulative in every situation.  Sometimes, they are a normal part of everyday life.  We can experience hurt when we feel pain, sorrow, and suffering.  We can also experience and show anger when we believe we have been mistreated, taken advantage of, or betrayed.  However, when we use these emotions to manipulate another person to get our own needs met, we cross the line between experiencing justified emotions and using these emotions to manipulate others.

When someone is using hurt to manipulate, the goal is to make others feel guilty.  Someone who manipulates using hurt often incorporates some or all of these tactics:

• Whines that life is not fair
• Complains without initiating or accepting solutions
• Gripes that other people are "lucky"
• Dwells on the past instead of living in the present
• Blames others for mistakes; often says, "It's not my fault"
• Gets feelings hurt easily
• Needs constant approval and recognition
• Has numerous physical "ailments" that get in the way of doing the job

Until next time...






Sheryl Tuchman, SPHR, SHRM-SCP
http://tools2succeed.com/

Communicate Openly and Directly Part 2

The Assertive Style
This type of communication relies on honesty, openness, a sense of responsibility for positive outcome, and the desire to build trust between the people involved.  It takes a strong commitment and willingness to say what we mean in a positive, nonthreatening way.  Sometimes, we are tempted to give into pettiness and gameplaying, but if we resist and are determined to be assertive, people will get a strong sense that they are being told the truth in a fair and tactful way.

The person who uses assertive communication and behavior incorporates some or all of the following:

• Uses an "I" message to take responsibility for the issues
• States opinions respectfully, acknowledging that the other person may see things differently
• Listens attentively without bias, prejudgment, or counterattacks
• Uses good eye contact
• Uses positive body language
• Earns respect from others
• Does not allow others to take advantage
• Follows through:  others note that the assertive person always means what he or she says and will do what is promised

Until next time...






Sheryl Tuchman, SPHR, SHRM-SCP
http://tools2succeed.com/

Communicate Openly and Directly Part 1

Employers and employees alike share a common complaint – the need for better communication in their organizations.

• Good communication can only thrive in the right climate – one that nourishes rather than stifles.
• The secret to any type of communication is trust.  We must communicate honestly.  Good communication is about feeling good about ourselves. 

Styles of Communication

• To build a climate of trust and keep relationships strong and healthy, both parties must commit to being direct with one another.  All forms of manipulation, threats, gossip, tattling, intimidation, and behind-the-back game playing must be eliminated in order for trusting relationships to exist.
• There are 4 styles of communication.  Each time we communicate in any way, we choose one of these styles.  Often, employees say, "I don't consciously decide how to communicate – I just do it."  Unfortunately, most people have not been taught the basic skills of communication and are therefore unaware of the options they have.  Once we learn about these styles, we will be more in control of what we say and how we react.
• The 4 styles are:
• Assertive: straightforward, honest, caring, reliable
• Aggressive: loud, angry, attacking, whining, guilt-inducing, manipulative
• Passive: timid, avoiding, tentative, nonresponsive, frightened
• Passive/Aggressive: guilt-inducing, dishonest, underhanded, sniping, devious

 

Effective Ways To Lead

What is a Leader? 
Effective leaders can be found at every level of an organization and don't necessarily need to have a "titled" position.  The employee must be willing to assume a leadership role by modeling positive behaviors in his or her attitudes and ideas.  Leaders must be willing to teach and support others, be proactive, and be willing to serve as well as lead.

Leaders must be flexible enough to pitch in, even when the task at hand does not involve their job specialty.  Learning what others do is a great opportunity.  Leaders must also be willing to share information with others and be assertive enough to honestly question job procedures.  They must seek out every opportunity to satisfy customer needs and expect that others will notice and appreciate their efforts.  Finally, leaders must understand that being only a "follower" is no longer accepted in today's organizations.  Everyone is expected to be a leader in the attitudes, beliefs, and behaviors they bring to their jobs.
 
Some Leadership Traits  

• Trustworthy and shows integrity  
• High-achieving and always strives for excellence  
• Able to make others feel important and valued  
• Willing to serve others  
• Being the consummate teacher  
• Building relationships  
• Communicating effectively  
• Optimistic and enthusiastic  
• Vision for the future  

Never Give Up
In addition to demonstrating leadership qualities, true leaders never give up despite mistakes or setbacks.  They understand that they cannot be "all things to all people."  They know that a few bad days are perfectly normal.  Most importantly, they are never intimidated by these realizations!   Leadership takes thought, practice, and hard work, but it is well worth the effort.  Leaders are resilient people who keep the best interests of the individual, the team and the organization in mind.

Until next time...

Sheryl Tuchman, SPHR, SHRM-SCP
http://tools2succeed.com/

Building Trust

Trust is at the heart of our ability to succeed in an interdependent world.  In spite of our amazing technological advances, the work of an organization is accomplished by people. Technology has provided us with better tools, but it is still people who do the work of an organization and are ultimately responsible for its success.
      
If we want to build trusting relationships with others, then we must start with ourselves and be certain to act in a trustworthy manner.  As we improve our own trustworthiness, we change the nature of our relationships and make it easier for others to act in a trustworthy way toward us.
 
When experiencing conflict or problems of trust, it is a natural tendency to believe that others are at fault.  Not only is this usually a distorted view of reality, but it also makes solving problems more difficult because the only person we truly can control is ourselves.  We improve our relationships with others not by changing them but by changing how we are
in relation to them.

Essential Elements of a Trusting Relationship
Integrity - acting according to a set of principles or values
Competence - performing roles and responsibilities successfully
Compassion - caring about the needs of others
      
Create a safe and trusting environment by being non-judgmental, listening with empathy, and responding with appreciation.  Find out what is important to others.  Agree on clear, common goals.  Make collaborative decisions.  In a conflict situation, keep in mind that the problem is "ours" rather than "mine" or "yours".
 
Until next time...







Sheryl Tuchman, SPHR, SHRM-SCP
http://tools2succeed.com/

Are you open, honest and assertive?

Are you open, honest and assertive?

When asked which employees they would keep when it comes to communication skills, employers say, "The ones who can most effectively communicate their needs, preferences, ideas, and feelings to their customers, co-workers, and our organization."

Employers and employees today share a common complaint:  the need for better communication in their organizations. The problem seems to be widespread and fairly typical.

Effective communication allows individuals and the organization to thrive and be successful.  However, the environment in which communication takes place must be conducive for communication success by including an atmosphere of trust, mutual respect, and willingness to listen to one another.

To build a climate of trust and keep relationships strong and healthy, both parties must commit to being direct with one another. All forms of manipulation, threats, gossip, tattling, intimidation, and behind-the-back game playing must be eliminated in order for trusting relationships to exist.

Until next time...







Sheryl Tuchman, SPHR, SHRM-SCP
http://tools2succeed.com/