Communicate Openly and Directly Part 5

The Passive- Aggressive Style
This style of communication combines the desire to avoid face-to-face interaction (passive) with the desire to "win" and control the outcome to get one's own way (aggressive).  It is usually done behind the other person's back and is seen primarily as deceitful and dishonest.  This communication is almost always done "undercover" and secretively with an intent to manipulate people or teach them a lesson.  It is damaging and dangerous because it destroys the team environment and the trust and respect needed to facilitate assertive communication.

The person who uses passive-aggressive communication/behavior incorporates some or all of these tactics:

• May not offer ideas or opinions in order to control or hide information
• May tattle or gossip about others
• May seem supportive on the surface but actually criticizes people and their ideas behind their backs
• Enjoys seeing others' ideas fail
• Likes to get people to take sides against another person, policy, or idea
• Is the exact opposite of the open, honest communicators that organizations need today 

In Conclusion

• We can now recognize the communication styles and behaviors that we and others are using.  We can also choose the style we want to use in each situation and commit to building skills for more open, honest, and assertive communication.
• Most people communicate without much forethought or planning, content to say whatever comes to mind.  Unconscious communication is about "reacting" rather than about making proactive, conscious choices.
• We all need to take greater responsibility to think about the best way to demonstrate assertive communication and behavior in both our personal and professional lives.

Until next time...






Sheryl Tuchman, SPHR, SHRM-SCP
http://tools2succeed.com/

Communicate Openly and Directly Part 4

The Passive Style
This type of communicator avoids confrontation at all costs because passive people never really say what's on their mind.  Passive people always put their own needs and concerns last in a desire to be liked and accepted by others.  When used too often, this style makes the passive communicator become more and more frustrated because he or she ends up pleasing no one at all!  Regardless of whether the cause of the passive behavior is low self-esteem, fear, or guilt, it usually makes the situation worse than it already is.  The person who initially seems so willing and accommodating turns out to be withdrawn and overwhelmed, often unable to keep those commitments that are so easily made.

The person who uses passive communication and behavior incorporates some or all of these tactics:

• Allows others to take advantage of him or her
• Sometimes produces rushed, inaccurate, or late results due to taking on too much
• Agrees to all requests and demands, even unreasonable ones, rather than saying "no"
• Becomes overwhelmed and tired; cannot fulfill even basic commitments
• Doesn't complain out loud, but may be angry or hurt underneath
• May ultimately "blow up" after taking abuse from others for a period of time
• Loses others' trust because of lack of follow-through
• Hides the truth, which is often perceived by others as dishonest or lying behavior
• Tries to please everyone, even at his or her own expense
• Feels guilty getting his or her own needs met
• Annoys others by giving vague, noncommittal responses

Until next time...






Sheryl Tuchman, SPHR, SHRM-SCP
http://tools2succeed.com/