Monday, October 14, 2019

Emotional Intelligence: Tools to Regulate Your Emotions

Tools to Regulate Your Emotions

The ability to keep your emotions under control requires more than a willing heart. Understanding a situation through the eyes of another and strengthening self-management and self-awareness skills are tools that can be used in your quest to regulate your emotions.

Seeing the Other Side

If you ever want to understand the type of person you are and how you behave, ask other people. It is easy to justify the things you do, so much so that it seems like everything you do is perfect. If you take an honest look at yourself, you would probably say not only is this perfection untrue for you, but it is unattainable for all.

Talk to your boss, co-workers or friends about how they view you. If someone says, “When everything is good, you are a nice person, but if something doesn’t go your way, you have an explosive temper,” don’t get upset and don’t automatically say that it is untrue. Gaining this insight is a valuable tool for you to help regulate your emotions. Your emotions and how you express them is your responsibility. If you don’t like it, fix it.

Self-Management and Self-Awareness

Self-management can sometimes be a hard quality to tame when self-awareness produces a very arrogant and self-centered result. The strength to self-management and self-awareness lies in the balance between the two. Understanding who you are, the role you play, and the authority you possess are all very important, but when these things overshadow your ability to be consistent and accountable, this could cause a poor outcome. By the same token, if one lacks understanding of whom they are and their importance, this could also hinder their ability to be consistent and accountable. People who are aware of their methods of dealing with conflict and understand the bearing of their way of doing things aren’t as likely to make matters worse than those who are not aware of themselves.

Until next time...


Sheryl Tuchman, SPHR, SHRM-SCP

Sunday, October 6, 2019

What is Emotional Intelligence?

Emotional Intelligence or EQ is defined as a set of competencies demonstrating the ability one has to recognize his or her behaviors, moods, and impulses and to manage them best according to the situation. A person with high emotional intelligence can manage his or her own impulses, communicate with others effectively, manage change well, solve problems, and use humor to build rapport in tense situations. These people also have empathy, remain optimistic even in the face of adversity, and are gifted at educating and persuading in a sales situation and resolving customer complaints in a customer service role.

Emotional Intelligence is a part of you that affects every aspect of your life. Understanding the root causes of your emotions and how to use them can help you to effectively identify who you are and how you interact with others.

Since Emotional Intelligence is still a fairly new branch of psychology, its definition can be found in various theories and models. We are presenting a definition influenced by a few theories and mainly popularized by Daniel Goleman’s 1995 book entitled "Emotional Intelligence."

The following is a list of five key points to remember to help you master the art of self-management.

  • Be consistent. Part of managing oneself is the ability to be stable. The values you hold dear should always be transparent. Changing your values and/or beliefs on different occasions can not only cause others to question your beliefs, but it can also cause you to become confused about what you truly believe.
  • Stick to the plan. If you are scheduled to complete a particular task, don’t just do it, but do it and make sure it is done in a timely manner. It is easy to feel out-of-control when you disregard the plan you are to follow.
  • Be accountable. There are times when things don’t work out as you plan, but you have to be able to admit that and then use your flexibility to get things back on track. The ideal result is that you easily bounce back and complete the task, but even during those times when this is not the case, you are expected to adjust.
  • Educate yourself. We live in an ever-changing world, and you want to be able to keep up with it. Don’t let change pass you by; embrace it. Be an avid reader. Talk and listen to mentors and peers. They may know something that could help you along your journey.
  • Stay physically fit. Many people don’t think of staying fit when they talk about self-management, but it is a very important part of being able to practice the four preceding points. Exercising your body is just as crucial to self-management as exercising your mind. A body that is not well rested, nutritionally fed, or physically exercised can lead to emotional and physical illnesses.

Until next time...


Sheryl Tuchman, SPHR, SHRM-SCP

Thursday, April 18, 2019

Civility in the Workplace Part 5

Civility is one of the best ways to deal with difficult personalities in the workplace.

Civility sets the stage for effective communication.  In many ways, dealing with difficult personalities is simply a matter of setting and negotiating boundaries.  After all, difficult personalities are not “bad people.”  They just have a fixed way of relating and may need feedback from peers in order to adjust.

Civility creates a positive atmosphere that allows people to see beyond the obvious implications of behavior.  For example, many "difficult personalities" are simply people who have needs that are not being addressed.  You may see your co-worker as annoying when he or she simply craves attention and recognition.  It’s also possible that your difficult co-worker is merely channeling anger and frustration from his/her personal life into the workplace.  When you engage in civil behavior with your co-worker, you provide more opportunities for supportive interaction and empathy.

Cost and Rewards

While incivility can be perceived as innocuous behavior, it can significantly affect the company’s bottom line. Incivility has a direct impact on company productivity, sales, and customer retention among others. Civility, on the other hand, can improve all these areas and help create a high-performance organization.

Until next time...


Sheryl Tuchman, SPHR, SHRM-SCP

Tuesday, April 16, 2019

Civility in the Workplace Part 4

What may be considered a difficult personality?

The answer is subjective.  A difficult personality for one person need not be a difficult personality for another. Usually, though, people perceived as difficult are those who manifest inflexible extremes of personality traits.  For instance, while being controlling is a desirable trait in a manager, being excessively controlling would just make the people under the manager’s care feel stifled and even abused.  Recognition of the need to consult co-workers about major company decisions is a good thing, but when an employee consults everyone else on almost everything to the point that the constant “consultation” is already dependency in disguise, then the person becomes difficult to work with.

When working with a difficult personality, most people’s immediate response is an unhelpful one: a response aimed more at relieving personal stress than creating a more workable relationship.  For example, there is a tendency to avoid dominant personality types, lecture the overly-dependent, and exact vengeance on the passive-aggressive.  The result is an endless cycle of dysfunctional relating that creates more problems than it solves.

Until next time...


Sheryl Tuchman, SPHR, SHRM-SCP

Thursday, April 11, 2019

Civility in the Workplace Part 3

It’s worth noting: civility goes beyond mere good manners.

Civility is about effective self-awareness and effective social awareness.  You can’t be an effective practitioner of civility until you recognize your place in the general scheme of things and you develop an appreciation for the unique contribution of all else around.  It’s a delicate balance between pursuing self-interest and practicing self-control in order for others and the organization to pursue their interests well.  For this reason, effective programs on civility must be prefaced by training on attentiveness to self and others.

Dealing with Difficult Personalities

A huge source of stress at work is the need to adjust to different personalities.  Each person is unique, and even when you’re dealing with a responsible and emotionally-mature co-worker, friction is inevitable simply because the other person will never be 100% similar to you.  However, the stress of interacting with co-workers is multiplied when the other person doesn’t just have a different personality but also a difficult one.

Until next time...


Sheryl Tuchman, SPHR, SHRM-SCP

Tuesday, April 9, 2019

Civility in the Workplace Part 2

What behaviors can be considered uncivil? 
Here are some examples:  
  • Failing to acknowledge another person’s presence: Ignoring other people’s greetings and well-wishes; walking past a co-worker without so much as a nod or a greeting.
  • Using abusive language: Being verbally abusive or using crude language
  • Gossiping: Instigating and spreading rumors about another person, regardless of whether the “news” seems accurate or relevant to the accomplishment of the task at hand.
  • Discounting an employee's contribution: Deliberately downplaying or ignoring the importance of another person’s statement or work contribution.  For instance, some members in a team may tend to cut off a person that they do not like during a brainstorming session. Taking credit --- or worse, compensation --- for work that you did not do is also an example of discounting behavior.
  • Bullying and intimidating co-workers: Threatening violence against co-workers who report timesheet irregularities to management; leveraging the power of cliques in order to ostracize particular individuals.
  • Sabotaging individual and company efforts: Intentionally not informing a co-worker who is competing for a promotion of the exact time a client will arrive in the building.
  • Discriminating against a particular individual or group: Attacking an individual based on intrinsic characteristics such as race, gender, age, mental ability, and physical appearance.
  • Practicing insensitivity against co-workers’ needs: Inability to pay attention to the feelings and needs of others, e.g. not giving a grieving co-worker time off before demanding workplace attendance. Insensitivity may also come in the form of engaging in activities distracting to co-workers, e.g. taking a cell phone call while in the middle of a meeting, not cleaning up the whiteboard as one leaves the training room, and demanding attention from subordinates outside of the prescribed working hours.
  • Practicing poor etiquette in dealing with correspondence: Ignoring phone calls and emails, using company email to send private messages, and discussing individuals in mailing lists as if they are not there.
Until next time...


Sheryl Tuchman, SPHR, SHRM-SCP

Thursday, April 4, 2019

Civility in the Workplace Part 1

Failing to smile at co-workers or even just a tendency to smirk at a client’s unusual request may not seem like much at first glance.  However, these seemingly innocuous behaviors can be costly in the long run.  It’s important to be appraised of the nature of civility, its behavioral indicators, and why its practice is imperative within an organization.

What is Uncivil Behavior?

Civility represents the social norms and rules that must be followed in order to positively and productively relate with others.  When people hear the word “civility,” words that come to mind include respect, courtesy, tolerance, consideration, and a rational approach to conflicts.  Behaviors that threaten positive and productive relations with other people, therefore, constitute uncivil behaviors.

You can be uncivil without meaning to be.  For example, you may simply assume that what’s acceptable in one social context (say, at your old workplace or at your home) is acceptable across all contexts.  You can also be uncivil intentionally, e.g., you verbally attack a co-worker whose behavior annoys you.

Until next time...


Sheryl Tuchman, SPHR, SHRM-SCP