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- Aggression can be triggered by such things as:
- Lack of self-confidence
- Bad mood
- Sudden loss of control
- Feeling of being manipulated
- Retaliation for a perceived or actual first strike
- Reaction to negative situations
- Poor self-image
- Sometimes aggression may be necessary in a particular situation but in a controlled manner
- The responses elicited by aggression may be:
- Avoidance in the future of the aggressor or the topic that triggered the aggressive outburst
- Aggression as retaliation
- Humor or sarcasm
- Manipulation is also aggression and may not be obvious.
- Manipulators "appear" to be winners.
- Manipulation can lead to:
- Lack of trust
- Build-up of resentment
- Short-term gain only
- Dealing with Aggressors
- Usually, neither of these tactics are effective:
- Fight back and defend yourself
- Act submissively and remove yourself from the situation
- Useful techniques
- Probe for information and get the real facts
- Start fogging by bouncing back what they are saying
- Play a broken record
- Focus on the problem not the person
- Be assertive
Until next time...
Sheryl Tuchman, SPHR, SHRM-SCP
http://tools2succeed.com/
The success of an organization is dependent upon the interactions of its employees. This month we will discuss one destructive type of behavior in the workplace - aggression. Aggressors usually aim to win the interaction and have the other party lose.
- Characteristics of aggressive behavior include:
- Lack of sensitivity
- Coercion
- Fault-finding
- Judgmental
- Combative
- Aggressive behavior is "me-centered"
- Elements of aggressive behavior include:
- Outbursts of strong or violent emotions
- Excessive use if ‘I’ statements
- Use of threats
- Negative language
- Confrontational
- Personalized comments
- Complete disregard of the thoughts and feelings of the other party
- Body language associated with aggression includes:
- Gritted / bared teeth
- Clenched fists
- Bulging eyes
- Pointing / stabbing fingers
- Movement into the others personal space
- High color
- Excessive combative gestures
Until next time...
Sheryl Tuchman, SPHR, SHRM-SCP
http://tools2succeed.com/
The Passive- Aggressive Style
This style of communication combines the desire to avoid face-to-face interaction (passive) with the desire to "win" and control the outcome to get one's own way (aggressive). It is usually done behind the other person's back and is seen primarily as deceitful and dishonest. This communication is almost always done "undercover" and secretively with an intent to manipulate people or teach them a lesson. It is damaging and dangerous because it destroys the team environment and the trust and respect needed to facilitate assertive communication.
The person who uses passive-aggressive communication/behavior incorporates some or all of these tactics:
- May not offer ideas or opinions in order to control or hide information
- May tattle or gossip about others
- May seem supportive on the surface but actually criticizes people and their ideas behind their backs
- Enjoys seeing others' ideas fail
- Likes to get people to take sides against another person, policy, or idea
- Is the exact opposite of the open, honest communicators that organizations need today
In Conclusion
- We can now recognize the communication styles and behaviors that we and others are using. We can also choose the style we want to use in each situation and commit to building skills for more open, honest, and assertive communication.
- Most people communicate without much forethought or planning, content to say whatever comes to mind. Unconscious communication is about "reacting" rather than about making proactive, conscious choices.
- We all need to take greater responsibility to think about the best way to demonstrate assertive communication and behavior in both our personal and professional lives.
Until next time...
Sheryl Tuchman, SPHR, SHRM-SCP
http://tools2succeed.com/
The Aggressive Style
This type of communication holds nothing back – usually at the other person's expense. The feelings of others are discounted or disregarded, and the interaction is not characterized by respect. The aggressive person gets his or her needs met by controlling others, dominating the situation, and manipulating others. Aggressors literally say or do anything to get their own way, and it doesn't matter who gets hurt. The aggressive style is used because it works! Others give in or give up. However, the bottom line is that any relationship based on fear, control, or guilt will never be successful or healthy in the long-run.
There are 2 basic patterns to aggressive communication, both of which involve manipulating others. The 2 most manipulative emotions are hurt and anger. These 2 emotions are not always manipulative in every situation. Sometimes, they are a normal part of everyday life. We can experience hurt when we feel pain, sorrow, and suffering. We can also experience and show anger when we believe we have been mistreated, taken advantage of, or betrayed. However, when we use these emotions to manipulate another person to get our own needs met, we cross the line between experiencing justified emotions and using these emotions to manipulate others.
When someone is using hurt to manipulate, the goal is to make others feel guilty. Someone who manipulates using hurt often incorporates some or all of these tactics:
- Whines that life is not fair
- Complains without initiating or accepting solutions
- Gripes that other people are "lucky"
- Dwells on the past instead of living in the present
- Blames others for mistakes; often says, "It's not my fault"
- Gets feelings hurt easily
- Needs constant approval and recognition
- Has numerous physical "ailments" that get in the way of doing the job
Until next time...
Sheryl Tuchman, SPHR, SHRM-SCP
http://tools2succeed.com/
