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What may be considered a difficult personality?
The answer is subjective. A difficult personality for one person need not be a difficult personality for another. Usually, though, people perceived as difficult are those who manifest inflexible extremes of personality traits. For instance, while being controlling is a desirable trait in a manager, being excessively controlling would just make the people under the manager’s care feel stifled and even abused. Recognition of the need to consult co-workers about major company decisions is a good thing, but when an employee consults everyone else on almost everything to the point that the constant “consultation” is already dependency in disguise, then the person becomes difficult to work with.
When working with a difficult personality, most people’s immediate response is an unhelpful one: a response aimed more at relieving personal stress than creating a more workable relationship. For example, there is a tendency to avoid dominant personality types, lecture the overly-dependent, and exact vengeance on the passive-aggressive. The result is an endless cycle of dysfunctional relating that creates more problems than it solves.
Until next time...
Sheryl Tuchman, SPHR, SHRM-SCP
http://tools2succeed.com/
The Passive- Aggressive Style
This style of communication combines the desire to avoid face-to-face interaction (passive) with the desire to "win" and control the outcome to get one's own way (aggressive). It is usually done behind the other person's back and is seen primarily as deceitful and dishonest. This communication is almost always done "undercover" and secretively with an intent to manipulate people or teach them a lesson. It is damaging and dangerous because it destroys the team environment and the trust and respect needed to facilitate assertive communication.
The person who uses passive-aggressive communication/behavior incorporates some or all of these tactics:
- May not offer ideas or opinions in order to control or hide information
- May tattle or gossip about others
- May seem supportive on the surface but actually criticizes people and their ideas behind their backs
- Enjoys seeing others' ideas fail
- Likes to get people to take sides against another person, policy, or idea
- Is the exact opposite of the open, honest communicators that organizations need today
In Conclusion
- We can now recognize the communication styles and behaviors that we and others are using. We can also choose the style we want to use in each situation and commit to building skills for more open, honest, and assertive communication.
- Most people communicate without much forethought or planning, content to say whatever comes to mind. Unconscious communication is about "reacting" rather than about making proactive, conscious choices.
- We all need to take greater responsibility to think about the best way to demonstrate assertive communication and behavior in both our personal and professional lives.
Until next time...
Sheryl Tuchman, SPHR, SHRM-SCP
http://tools2succeed.com/
Employers and employees alike share a common complaint – the need for better communication in their organizations.
- Good communication can only thrive in the right climate – one that nourishes rather than stifles.
- The secret to any type of communication is trust. We must communicate honestly. Good communication is about feeling good about ourselves.
Styles of Communication
- To build a climate of trust and keep relationships strong and healthy, both parties must commit to being direct with one another. All forms of manipulation, threats, gossip, tattling, intimidation, and behind-the-back game playing must be eliminated in order for trusting relationships to exist.
- There are 4 styles of communication. Each time we communicate in any way, we choose one of these styles. Often, employees say, "I don't consciously decide how to communicate – I just do it." Unfortunately, most people have not been taught the basic skills of communication and are therefore unaware of the options they have. Once we learn about these styles, we will be more in control of what we say and how we react.
- The 4 styles are:
- Assertive: straightforward, honest, caring, reliable
- Aggressive: loud, angry, attacking, whining, guilt-inducing, manipulative
- Passive: timid, avoiding, tentative, nonresponsive, frightened
- Passive/Aggressive: guilt-inducing, dishonest, underhanded, sniping, devious
There are four styles of communication. Each time we communicate in any way, we choose one of these styles. Often, employees say, "I don't consciously decide how to communicate; I just do it!" Everyone has options, though. Becoming aware of these styles will allow you to be more in control of what you say and how you react.
Styles of Communication:
Assertive: Straightforward, Honest, Caring, Reliable
Aggressive: Loud, Angry, Whining, Guilt-inducing, Manipulative
Passive: Timid, Avoiding, Tentative, Non-responsive, Frightened
Passive-Aggressive: Guilt-inducing, Dishonest, Sniping, Devious
Your goal is to use assertive communication as much of the time as possible. Use an "I" message to take responsibility for the issues ("I feel..."). State your opinions respectfully, acknowledging that the other person may see the situation differently. Listen attentively, without bias, pre-judgment, or counterattacks. Most importantly, follow through. Others know that the assertive person always means what he/she says and will do what is promised.
It takes a strong commitment and willingness to say what you mean in a positive, non-threatening way. Sometimes we are tempted to give in to pettiness and game playing, but if we resist and are determined to be assertive, people will get a strong sense that they are being told the truth in a fair and tactful way.
Until next time...
Sheryl Tuchman, SPHR, SHRM-SCP
http://tools2succeed.com/
