Embrace Reality

Embracing reality is one of the core principles for living in the paradigm of Integrity.  This does not mean that we like all aspects of reality, but it does mean that we have a healthy respect for it and seek to live in harmony with it. The four views of reality are: "mentor," "challenge," "taskmaster," and "enemy."

Truths about Reality 
"The way things are" defines the context of our lives.  Reality defines the rules of the game of life and the context in which we make choices.  Some realities we may choose, such as our career, spouse, etc.  Others are thrust upon us by our heritage, such as our stature, age, etc.  These realities form the boundaries within which we live and make choices daily.
 
Trying to live in the world of "unreality" or "what is not" results in frustration and disappointment.  This only wastes our energy and leaves us unhappy and feeling disempowered.
 
Reality has no inherent meaning.  It is not good nor bad, right nor wrong, but rather it is what we make of it.  For example, your job is just your job.  The same is true of your appearance, the way your boss is, or a flat tire on the way to work.
 
People who are high on the scale of emotional intelligence live from "the way things are" rather than "what is not".  They acknowledge and respect the realities of their lives and make a conscious choice to live well, given their reality.  Those who succeed in life view their reality as a winner.
 
Present, Past, and Future
This moment is the only moment that is real.  Your entire life is lived in a moment of "now" - the present. The past exists only in our minds in the form of memories.  What does this mean about the past and the future?  They are not real.  They exist only in our minds.  However, there is value in thinking about the past and the future.

We have lots of good memories that we can access and enjoy.  We can learn from our painful experiences of the past and use them to grow.  Likewise, we can dream and consider new and exciting possibilities for our lives in the future.  Then we can make specific plans to make that future a reality.

Until next time...






Sheryl Tuchman, SPHR, SHRM-SCP
http://tools2succeed.com/

Styles of Communication

There are four styles of communication.  Each time we communicate in any way, we choose one of these styles. Often, employees say, "I don't consciously decide how to communicate; I just do it!"  Everyone has options, though.  Becoming aware of these styles will allow you to be more in control of what you say and how you react.

Styles of Communication:
Assertive: Straightforward, Honest, Caring, Reliable
Aggressive: Loud, Angry, Whining, Guilt-inducing, Manipulative
Passive: Timid, Avoiding, Tentative, Non-responsive, Frightened
Passive-Aggressive: Guilt-inducing, Dishonest, Sniping, Devious

Your goal is to use assertive communication as much of the time as possible. Use an "I" message to take responsibility for the issues ("I feel...").  State your opinions respectfully, acknowledging that the other person may see the situation differently.  Listen attentively, without bias, pre-judgment, or counterattacks.  Most importantly, follow through.  Others know that the assertive person always means what he/she says and will do what is promised.

It takes a strong commitment and willingness to say what you mean in a positive, non-threatening way. Sometimes we are tempted to give in to pettiness and game playing, but if we resist and are determined to be assertive, people will get a strong sense that they are being told the truth in a fair and tactful way.

Until next time...







Sheryl Tuchman, SPHR, SHRM-SCP
http://tools2succeed.com/