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Embracing reality is one of the core principles for living in the paradigm of Integrity. This does not mean that we like all aspects of reality, but it does mean that we have a healthy respect for it and seek to live in harmony with it. The four views of reality are: "mentor," "challenge," "taskmaster," and "enemy."
Truths about Reality
"The way things are" defines the context of our lives. Reality defines the rules of the game of life and the context in which we make choices. Some realities we may choose, such as our career, spouse, etc. Others are thrust upon us by our heritage, such as our stature, age, etc. These realities form the boundaries within which we live and make choices daily.
Trying to live in the world of "unreality" or "what is not" results in frustration and disappointment. This only wastes our energy and leaves us unhappy and feeling disempowered.
Reality has no inherent meaning. It is not good nor bad, right nor wrong, but rather it is what we make of it. For example, your job is just your job. The same is true of your appearance, the way your boss is, or a flat tire on the way to work.
People who are high on the scale of emotional intelligence live from "the way things are" rather than "what is not". They acknowledge and respect the realities of their lives and make a conscious choice to live well, given their reality. Those who succeed in life view their reality as a winner.
Present, Past, and Future
This moment is the only moment that is real. Your entire life is lived in a moment of "now" - the present. The past exists only in our minds in the form of memories. What does this mean about the past and the future? They are not real. They exist only in our minds. However, there is value in thinking about the past and the future.
We have lots of good memories that we can access and enjoy. We can learn from our painful experiences of the past and use them to grow. Likewise, we can dream and consider new and exciting possibilities for our lives in the future. Then we can make specific plans to make that future a reality.
Until next time...
Sheryl Tuchman, SPHR, SHRM-SCP
http://tools2succeed.com/
The main theme of the Integrity Model is developing an inner moral compass and the strength that allows us to be "bigger" than the circumstances and challenges of our lives.
We don't see the world as it is; rather, we see what we look for. What we look for is determined by our personal paradigm. At any given time, we experience our lives from one of four paradigms below. Each of the paradigms is qualitatively different. As we shift from one paradigm to another, much of our experience also shifts: our motivation, our willingness to take responsibility for ourselves, etc. It is not "bad" to be in one paradigm and "good" to be in another. They are all part of our human experience, and there are valuable lessons to learn in each.
We experience the world from 1 of 4 paradigms at any given time:
- Integrity: Doing what we Believe to be Right
- conscious, accepting, responsible, trusting
- Achievement: Striving to Accumulate and Accomplish
- goal-oriented, stressed, competitive, interdependent
- Duty: Desire to Please others
- need approval, dependent, stereotypic thinking
- Fear: Immediate Gratification
- reactive, inadequate, suspicious, need security
As we move up the ladder from Fear to Duty to Achievement to Integrity, we are aligning our lives more and more with principles that lead to satisfaction and success.
We cannot solve our problems when living from the same paradigm that created them. Seek first to change your paradigm, and you will be much more effective in meeting the challenges of your life.
Until next time...
Sheryl Tuchman, SPHR, SHRM-SCP
http://tools2succeed.com/
Everyone wants to succeed. The desire to succeed is as natural in life as breathing, eating and sleeping. For the vast majority of people, failure is not the result of deliberate intent or desire.
Do you wake up in the morning and say, "I'm going to see if I can pick a fight with my spouse," or "I'm going to try to mess up my presentation in our staff meeting," or "I am going to see how miserable and depressed I can be?" Probably not! We experience failure in life, but not because it is our intent or desire. We want to succeed.
We Must Keep Measures of Success in Perspective
- Money
- Power
- Possessions
- Talent
- Achievements
- Beauty
- Fame
- Recreation
- Status
- Approval
What are the most important symbols of success in our society? The list above are all "respectable" measures of success. There is nothing inherently wrong with any of them, and they can bring meaning and enrichment to our lives. However, they must be kept in perspective. Problems occur when our only definitions of success are external measures. We set ourselves up to live from the belief that more is better. No matter how much we have, we imagine that we would be even happier if we had just a little more.
Until next time...
Sheryl Tuchman, SPHR, SHRM-SCP
http://tools2succeed.com/
Responsibility has to do with the choices we make about the realities of our lives. People who exercise personal responsibility see how their choices, more than external realities, determine their fate. It is the difference between being a victor rather than victim in life.
The Responsibility Ladder shows how the meaning of responsibility and the way we make choices changes as we evolve from one paradigm to another.
The Responsibility Ladder
Integrity:
I am the author of the outcomes of my life through my choices.
Achievement:
I exercise choices by setting goals and trying to improve.
Duty:
I exercise choices by fulfilling my obligations
Fear:
I am reactive and a victim of events, circumstances, and other people.
Common Ways We Avoid Responsibility
Waiting:
Many people live their lives waiting for something to happen or change to experience happiness or success.
Excuses and Self-Justification:
We learn to make excuses to avoid punishment.
Blame:
This has been institutionalized into our justice system which teaches people to feel and act like victims.
Being Dependent:
We are passive about asserting ourselves or taking care of our own needs.
Reactive Language:
"You make me mad." "I can't help it." "I have to..."
Understanding our Choices
There are three primary reasons we make the choices we do:
Ignorance and programming.
We are unaware of our choice-making or that other options are available to us.
Payoffs.
We are rewarded for the choices we make in the short term, even when the long-term consequences of those choices are painful.
Prices.
There is a price tag associated with new choices. We haven't yet decided to pay the price of making new choices.
Until next time...
Sheryl Tuchman, SPHR, SHRM-SCP
http://tools2succeed.com/
What is a Leader?
Effective leaders can be found at every level of an organization and don't necessarily need to have a "titled" position. The employee must be willing to assume a leadership role by modeling positive behaviors in his or her attitudes and ideas. Leaders must be willing to teach and support others, be proactive, and be willing to serve as well as lead.
Leaders must be flexible enough to pitch in, even when the task at hand does not involve their job specialty. Learning what others do is a great opportunity. Leaders must also be willing to share information with others and be assertive enough to honestly question job procedures. They must seek out every opportunity to satisfy customer needs and expect that others will notice and appreciate their efforts. Finally, leaders must understand that being only a "follower" is no longer accepted in today's organizations. Everyone is expected to be a leader in the attitudes, beliefs, and behaviors they bring to their jobs.
Some Leadership Traits
- Trustworthy and shows integrity
- High-achieving and always strives for excellence
- Able to make others feel important and valued
- Willing to serve others
- Being the consummate teacher
- Building relationships
- Communicating effectively
- Optimistic and enthusiastic
- Vision for the future
Never Give Up
In addition to demonstrating leadership qualities, true leaders never give up despite mistakes or setbacks. They understand that they cannot be "all things to all people." They know that a few bad days are perfectly normal. Most importantly, they are never intimidated by these realizations! Leadership takes thought, practice, and hard work, but it is well worth the effort. Leaders are resilient people who keep the best interests of the individual, the team and the organization in mind.
Until next time...
Sheryl Tuchman, SPHR, SHRM-SCP
http://tools2succeed.com/
Trust is at the heart of our ability to succeed in an interdependent world. In spite of our amazing technological advances, the work of an organization is accomplished by people. Technology has provided us with better tools, but it is still people who do the work of an organization and are ultimately responsible for its success.
If we want to build trusting relationships with others, then we must start with ourselves and be certain to act in a trustworthy manner. As we improve our own trustworthiness, we change the nature of our relationships and make it easier for others to act in a trustworthy way toward us.
When experiencing conflict or problems of trust, it is a natural tendency to believe that others are at fault. Not only is this usually a distorted view of reality, but it also makes solving problems more difficult because the only person we truly can control is ourselves. We improve our relationships with others not by changing them but by changing how we are
in relation to them.
Essential Elements of a Trusting Relationship
Integrity - acting according to a set of principles or values
Competence - performing roles and responsibilities successfully
Compassion - caring about the needs of others
Create a safe and trusting environment by being non-judgmental, listening with empathy, and responding with appreciation. Find out what is important to others. Agree on clear, common goals. Make collaborative decisions. In a conflict situation, keep in mind that the problem is "ours" rather than "mine" or "yours".
Until next time...
Sheryl Tuchman, SPHR, SHRM-SCP
http://tools2succeed.com/
