Triumph Over Emotional Challenges: Persuasion and Empathy

Persuasion and Empathy
A key to Emotional Intelligence is the ability to understand another's perspective and be able to persuade others to adopt our viewpoints.  We all see the world differently as we have different backgrounds, experiences, education.  Putting yourself "in another's shoes" is not easy.  Think about how someone may view a situation differently than you do. 

Have you seen the "Old Woman/Young Woman" diagram?  Click here to view.  What do you see?  An old woman?  A young woman?  Both? 

It is possible for you to see one thing and for someone else to see something different, yet both of you can be right!  Think about perspective when you are communicating and persuading.  How can you look at the situation differently?  Bring your team together and discuss perspective.  Have one or more team members choose a topic and try to convince the rest of the team to adopt his/her viewpoint.  What challenges come up?  How can the individual and the team overcome them?

Fun with Negativity 

1. Discuss the consequences of being negative.  Being negative can be a way of resisting reality.  When we learn to accept the realities of our lives that are challenging, they no longer have the power to dominate and make us miserable.  We can free ourselves to be positive.    
2. Have a contest to see who can be the most negative!  Have volunteers act out being negative.   
3. Encourage the volunteers to exaggerate.  The observers applaud each volunteer.  The volunteer with the loudest applause wins.  
4. Discuss ways to find the positive aspects of our realities.  
5. Repeat the contest with the same volunteers, this time asking them to act out the same situations, being as positive as possible.

Until next time...







Sheryl Tuchman, SPHR, SHRM-SCP
http://tools2succeed.com/

Triumph Over Emotional Challenges: Build Positive Reinforcement

Build Positive Reinforcement
Repetitive thoughts can influence our behavior on a daily basis.  It is often easy to "make mountains out of molehills" and see the negative in situations.   When the negative thoughts start creeping in, put a stop to them!  Imagine yourself squashing those thoughts as you would a mosquito that was about to bite you.  Think about those ongoing voices in your head.  What do they say?  How can you change them to be more positive?  Imagine yourself full of confidence, succeeding at everything you try.  Keep those positive thoughts going.
 
Celebrating small successes can help to reinforce positive interactions in the future.  Get your team members together and brainstorm the positive things each has done for each other and for the team.  Celebrate each success, however big or small.  Come up with ways to increase those successes day after day, week after week.   Get together on a regular basis and repeat this activity.
    
Team Strengths Exercise:    

• Have each team member choose a partner who he/she knows fairly well.  
• Each individual makes a list of the strengths of the partner.  
• Partners discuss strengths with each other, reinforcing positive behaviors.  
• Partners discuss how each of their strengths may be able to complement the other's. 
• Team comes together as a whole and each partner reads the list he/she has written.  
• Team celebrates their strengths together.

Until next time...







Sheryl Tuchman, SPHR, SHRM-SCP
http://tools2succeed.com/

Core Beliefs

Challenging Our Core Beliefs

1. Remember that our beliefs are not the same as reality, yet most people act as if they are.  We see our beliefs as the way things are rather than as our perceptions or judgments about the way they are.
2. Our beliefs are powerful and often unconscious drivers of our behavior.  There is a good body of research that indicates the power of our beliefs.  What matters most is not what is happening but what the person believes is happening..
3. The mind is "right" about whatever it happens to believe.  We perceive selectively what confirms our point of view, and we even go so far as to set up situations to prove our point of view.  If we believe that we are deserving of success, we find evidence to prove it.  If we believe that most people care only about themselves, we will prove that too.  If we believe that life is beautiful, then that is what will come back in the form of our experience.            

Shifting Our Core Beliefs

Think about an event to which you respond negatively.  Explore the options you typically take as well as their consequences.  What beliefs might cause you to behave this way?  Identify the distortions of logic within this belief.  How might you change this belief to one that is more rational and empowering towards achieving the results you desire?  Explore how you would feel and behave if you acted from this new belief.  Imagine yourself in the future, facing the old triggering event.  How would you act?  How would you feel?  What would be the consequences of acting and feeling this way?  Integrate the new belief into your daily behavior by writing it down, taking action on it for the next several days, collecting evidence that verifies it, and evaluating the results you are getting.

 

Until next time...

Sheryl Tuchman, SPHR, SHRM-SCP
http://tools2succeed.com/

Awareness is the Gateway to Change

Triumphing Over Emotional Challenges Begins with Awareness:     

• Being fully present
• Seeing reality clearly
• Recognizing choices
• Making choices based on the present

The experience of life is already taking place.  It just keeps coming at us, one event after another, and it includes a myriad of experiences from joy to sorrow.  Being aware does not change that.  However, being aware does put us in the driver seat of our lives.  It allows us to pay attention to what is going on and interact with it proactively rather than reactively.

We can't change whatever we are unaware of or refuse to admit.  Lack of awareness includes living in the past, distorting reality, reacting, making choices based on the past, or being passive and dependent.  The consequences of being unaware include making mistakes, getting into accidents, being inefficient, letting others decide for you, communicating poorly, or being reactive rather than proactive.

We are effective and successful in most aspects of our lives.  This is important to remember as we are often unduly negative and critical of ourselves.  When we have self-defeating feelings and behaviors, the strategy for changing them is to do something – anything – that is incompatible with, or short-circuits, our negative feelings and behavior.  For example, if we are down and depressed, we want to select behaviors that are active and energetic.  If we are agitated, we want to choose relaxing and calming behaviors.

In our next blog we continue to look at some strategies for understanding our adversities and dealing with them effectively.

Until next time...







Sheryl Tuchman, SPHR, SHRM-SCP
http://tools2succeed.com/

What is Emotional Intelligence (EQ)?

*Emotional Intelligence is the ability to identify, assess, and control the emotions of oneself, of others, and of groups.  Although the concept of emotional intelligence has received a lot of attention in recent years, its earliest roots can be traced to Charles Darwin's work on the importance of emotional expression for survival and adaptation.
*from Wikipedia
 
Although an individual may possess all of the necessary "technical" skills to perform a job, often it is a lack of emotional intelligence that hinders his/her performance at work.  High emotional intelligence is essential for high-performance.
 
Although life offers tremendous blessings, beauty, wonder, and joy, most of us need not look far to discover life's adversity.  Learning to create a state of mind that allows us to meet, conquer, and transcend the challenges of our lives will enable us to live and work from our vision and purpose, rather than being reactive to circumstances, events, and other people.  In our next blog we look at some strategies for understanding our adversities and dealing with them effectively.

Until next time...







Sheryl Tuchman, SPHR, SHRM-SCP
http://tools2succeed.com/

Embrace Reality

Embracing reality is one of the core principles for living in the paradigm of Integrity.  This does not mean that we like all aspects of reality, but it does mean that we have a healthy respect for it and seek to live in harmony with it. The four views of reality are: "mentor," "challenge," "taskmaster," and "enemy."

Truths about Reality 
"The way things are" defines the context of our lives.  Reality defines the rules of the game of life and the context in which we make choices.  Some realities we may choose, such as our career, spouse, etc.  Others are thrust upon us by our heritage, such as our stature, age, etc.  These realities form the boundaries within which we live and make choices daily.
 
Trying to live in the world of "unreality" or "what is not" results in frustration and disappointment.  This only wastes our energy and leaves us unhappy and feeling disempowered.
 
Reality has no inherent meaning.  It is not good nor bad, right nor wrong, but rather it is what we make of it.  For example, your job is just your job.  The same is true of your appearance, the way your boss is, or a flat tire on the way to work.
 
People who are high on the scale of emotional intelligence live from "the way things are" rather than "what is not".  They acknowledge and respect the realities of their lives and make a conscious choice to live well, given their reality.  Those who succeed in life view their reality as a winner.
 
Present, Past, and Future
This moment is the only moment that is real.  Your entire life is lived in a moment of "now" - the present. The past exists only in our minds in the form of memories.  What does this mean about the past and the future?  They are not real.  They exist only in our minds.  However, there is value in thinking about the past and the future.

We have lots of good memories that we can access and enjoy.  We can learn from our painful experiences of the past and use them to grow.  Likewise, we can dream and consider new and exciting possibilities for our lives in the future.  Then we can make specific plans to make that future a reality.

Until next time...






Sheryl Tuchman, SPHR, SHRM-SCP
http://tools2succeed.com/