Civility in the Workplace Part 1

Failing to smile at co-workers or even just a tendency to smirk at a client’s unusual request may not seem like much at first glance.  However, these seemingly innocuous behaviors can be costly in the long run.  It’s important to be appraised of the nature of civility, its behavioral indicators, and why its practice is imperative within an organization.

What is Uncivil Behavior?

Civility represents the social norms and rules that must be followed in order to positively and productively relate with others.  When people hear the word “civility,” words that come to mind include respect, courtesy, tolerance, consideration, and a rational approach to conflicts.  Behaviors that threaten positive and productive relations with other people, therefore, constitute uncivil behaviors.

You can be uncivil without meaning to be.  For example, you may simply assume that what’s acceptable in one social context (say, at your old workplace or at your home) is acceptable across all contexts.  You can also be uncivil intentionally, e.g., you verbally attack a co-worker whose behavior annoys you.

Until next time...

 




Sheryl Tuchman, SPHR, SHRM-SCP
http://tools2succeed.com/

Dialogue for Win/Win Outcomes Part 3

A TEST OF MUTUALITY

Ask yourself the following questions:

• How emotionally safe do I feel (or does the other person feel)?
• Does mutual respect exist?
• Do I act from an attitude of equality rather than superiority or inferiority?
• Can I give and receive honest and accurate data?
• Can I be authentic as opposed to being political or playing games?
• Do I feel goodwill rather than resentment?
• Am I concerned about "us" and not just "me?"

When we have mutuality, we experience others as allies rather than as adversaries.  We respect each other and want to cooperate.  We see that our common interest is bigger than what divides us.  We don't want to play games, manipulate, or control others.  Masks and pretenses are discarded, and we know that we can work together.

Mutuality is not something that we build in a single encounter.  It results from our attitude and behavior on a daily basis.

Until next time...

 




Sheryl Tuchman, SPHR, SHRM-SCP
http://tools2succeed.com/

Dialogue for Win/Win Outcomes Part 2

THREE OBJECTIVES OF DIALOGUE

1. Establish a foundation of mutuality – an atmosphere of unity, respect, and goodwill.
2. Build a pool of shared understanding – a complete and full understanding of the situation from each person's point of view.
3. Solve the problem and make agreements so that everyone wins.

Note that objective #3 cannot be achieved without first achieving objectives #1 and #2.  Objective #2 cannot be achieved without first achieving objective #1.

Dialogue is not always intended to meet all 3 of these objectives.  Sometimes, the purpose of dialogue is simply to establish mutuality.  For example, resentment has built up between 2 individuals which keeps them from working together effectively, so they need to establish unity, respect, and goodwill. 

On other occasions, the purpose of dialogue is to build a pool of shared understanding.  For example, representatives of the U.S. and Vietnam met on a number of occasions after the war to understand each other's decision process during the war, in order to learn the lessons necessary to prevent such tragedies in the future.

On still other occasions, the purpose of dialogue may be to solve a problem.  For example, a management team may need to decide how to allocate limited financial resources among all departments.

Until next time...

 




Sheryl Tuchman, SPHR, SHRM-SCP
http://tools2succeed.com/

Dialogue For Win/Win Outcomes Part 1

WHAT IS DIALOGUE?

Dialogue is creating a pool of shared understanding in an atmosphere of respect and goodwill in order to arrive at a mutually-beneficial outcome.

Dialogue is an alternative to the communication styles of dominating, accommodating, and avoiding.  It is communication that seeks to maximize both the dimensions of advocacy and empathy.

THE DIALOGUE MODEL

Let's look at a model of dialogue.  Dialogue consists of 4 skills:

1. We establish an atmosphere of unity, mutual respect, and goodwill through mutuality.
2. We then encourage others to disclose their point of view and/or inner experience through inquiry.
3. We disclose our own point of view or inner experience through advocacy.
4. We arrive at win/win outcomes through synergy.

The heart of dialogue is inquiry and advocacy which consists of sharing our point of view and listening to the point of view of others until we have created a pool of shared understanding.  Only when all the data is in the pool of shared understanding do we go to the step of synergy in which we make a decision or solve the problem.

Until next time...

 




Sheryl Tuchman, SPHR, SHRM-SCP
http://tools2succeed.com/

Communicate Openly and Directly Part 2

The Assertive Style
This type of communication relies on honesty, openness, a sense of responsibility for positive outcome, and the desire to build trust between the people involved.  It takes a strong commitment and willingness to say what we mean in a positive, nonthreatening way.  Sometimes, we are tempted to give into pettiness and gameplaying, but if we resist and are determined to be assertive, people will get a strong sense that they are being told the truth in a fair and tactful way.

The person who uses assertive communication and behavior incorporates some or all of the following:

• Uses an "I" message to take responsibility for the issues
• States opinions respectfully, acknowledging that the other person may see things differently
• Listens attentively without bias, prejudgment, or counterattacks
• Uses good eye contact
• Uses positive body language
• Earns respect from others
• Does not allow others to take advantage
• Follows through:  others note that the assertive person always means what he or she says and will do what is promised

Until next time...






Sheryl Tuchman, SPHR, SHRM-SCP
http://tools2succeed.com/

Measures of Success

Everyone wants to succeed.  The desire to succeed is as natural in life as breathing, eating and sleeping.  For the vast majority of people, failure is not the result of deliberate intent or desire.

Do you wake up in the morning and say, "I'm going to see if I can pick a fight with my spouse," or "I'm going to try to mess up my presentation in our staff meeting," or "I am going to see how miserable and depressed I can be?"  Probably not!  We experience failure in life, but not because it is our intent or desire.  We want to succeed.

We Must Keep Measures of Success in Perspective  

• Money   
• Power
• Possessions   
• Talent
• Achievements   
• Beauty
• Fame   
• Recreation
• Status
• Approval 

What are the most important symbols of success in our society?  The list above are all "respectable" measures of success.  There is nothing inherently wrong with any of them, and they can bring meaning and enrichment to our lives.  However, they must be kept in perspective.  Problems occur when our only definitions of success are external measures.  We set ourselves up to live from the belief that more is better.  No matter how much we have, we imagine that we would be even happier if we had just a little more.       

Until next time...






Sheryl Tuchman, SPHR, SHRM-SCP
http://tools2succeed.com/