Dialogue for Win/Win Outcomes Part 3

A TEST OF MUTUALITY

Ask yourself the following questions:

• How emotionally safe do I feel (or does the other person feel)?
• Does mutual respect exist?
• Do I act from an attitude of equality rather than superiority or inferiority?
• Can I give and receive honest and accurate data?
• Can I be authentic as opposed to being political or playing games?
• Do I feel goodwill rather than resentment?
• Am I concerned about "us" and not just "me?"

When we have mutuality, we experience others as allies rather than as adversaries.  We respect each other and want to cooperate.  We see that our common interest is bigger than what divides us.  We don't want to play games, manipulate, or control others.  Masks and pretenses are discarded, and we know that we can work together.

Mutuality is not something that we build in a single encounter.  It results from our attitude and behavior on a daily basis.

Until next time...

 




Sheryl Tuchman, SPHR, SHRM-SCP
http://tools2succeed.com/

Managing Difficult People Part 1

One of the aspects of managing conflict is identifying difficult people who contribute to conflict. To successfully manage conflict, HR professionals and managers need to learn how to deal with difficult people. In this course, we learned about types of difficult people and strategies for preventing and managing conflict with difficult people.

Types of Difficult People

• The Steamroller
• The Nitpicker
• The Obstructionist
• The I-Didn’t-Sign-Up-for-That
• The Gossipmonger
• The Defeatist
• The Slacker
• The Faultfinder
• The Whiner
• The Martyr
• The Self-Criticizer
• The Blamer
• The Handle-With-Care
• The Microscope

General Coping Strategies

• Recognize that an attitude problem exists
• Acknowledge any underlying causes for the negative attitude.
• Help the difficult person take responsibility.
• Replace negative, inappropriate reactions with different, more acceptable ones.
• Instill positive attitudes in others.

Until next time...






Sheryl Tuchman, SPHR, SHRM-SCP
http://tools2succeed.com/

What makes a good listener?

Listening is the ability to accurately perceive a message conveyed by another person.
 
Based on studies of executives, the ability to understand other people's perspectives is the biggest single predictor of executive success.  Of those who fail as executives, only 24% had this skill; of those who succeed as executives, 75% have this special ability.*
 
Our attitude does affect our listening.  If we truly want to learn or understand, we will listen much better.  Listening does not come naturally to most people.  It is not passive but active, demanding a lot of effort and work.  To be a good active listener, you must look for underlying messages and meaning.  This is done by observing non-verbal cues, sensing feelings, putting yourself in the speaker's place, and trying to understand what he/she is really trying to communicate.
 
Active Listening Steps         

• Create a Safe Place
• Become Actively Involved
• Avoid the Temptation to Evaluate
• Search for Meaning
• Confirm Your Understanding   
• Bring Closure

 Listening is hard work.  Take responsibility to understand the content as well as the feelings that are being communicated to you.

*The Center for Organizational Design

Until next time...






Sheryl Tuchman, SPHR, SHRM-SCP
http://tools2succeed.com/

Listening and Communication Skills -- Part 2

Barriers to Effective Communication:

• Attitude of sender or receiver - How the sender feels about the subject matter, the receiver, or even about himself or herself affects the accuracy of the message.  If the sender has an "It can't be done" attitude or "know-it-all" approach, the message may have been sent just to go through the motions of communicating. Closed-minded attitudes cut off feedback and negatively influence the final result.
• Emotional climate - Speaking in anger will distort the sending and receiving of a message.
• Hidden agendas or preoccupations with other issues can foster negative feelings.
• Body language may add strong signs of indifference, unimportance, or inattention to the message.
• Semantics - Words mean different things to different people. When people attach different meanings to the same words, the message can become jumbled and misunderstood. Words with specialized meaning for certain occupations, professional, or social groups interfere with effective communication with people outside those groups.
• Interruptions - anything that comes between the sender and the receiver of a message. Even if the interruption does not keep the message from getting through entirely, it can certainly distort the message. After an interruption, acknowledge the interruption and repeat what was last said, getting confirmation from the other party that he or she has the same understanding. 
• "Hot buttons" - to control hot buttons, we must identify what triggers us, understand our responses, and develop behaviors that allow us to listen more carefully and objectively.  If you cannot eliminate hot buttons, the best alternative might be to develop acceptable responses.

Until next time...






Sheryl Tuchman, SPHR, SHRM-SCP
http://tools2succeed.com/

The First Step - Have A Positive Attitude

Our attitude affects our behavior which in turn affects our performance.  The attitude we have affects everyone around us and can contribute to the attitude they choose to display.  If you want to be surrounded by individuals with positive attitudes, the first step is to have a positive attitude yourself.

Anyone can learn how to create the attitude that will attract people to you and show your company, co-workers, and customers that you are excited and positive about your job.

Employers were asked which employees they would keep, assuming that job skills and knowledge were equal.  The most common answer was, "The ones who are determined to set a positive tone through their performance and behavior."*

Although you may not always feel at your best, no one else around you ever needs to know that.  Your ability to appear positive while on the job, even when you are not, can have many positive outcomes.
  
The more positive people you surround yourself with, the easier it is to maintain a positive attitude.

*Personal survey of business owners, managers, and HR professionals in the US by Connie Podesta

Until next time...







Sheryl Tuchman, SPHR, SHRM-SCP
http://tools2succeed.com/