Dialogue for Win/Win Outcomes Part 4

CREATE A POOL OF SHARED UNDERSTANDING

Most of the time, people have different perceptions of the same event or situation.  It is through our communication that we attempt to help others understand our point of view.  We try to overcome the differences in our perceptions.

If we believe that only our point of view is correct, and we try to convince others that we are "right" and they are "wrong," we set up resistance and power struggles.  Rather, creating a pool of shared understanding includes getting assumptions, points of view, and inner experiences out into the open and searching for a common reality.

ARRIVING AT A WIN-WIN OUTCOME

We need to create a mindset of win/win.  Rather than viewing people as enemies to be conquered or objects to be manipulated for our benefit, we see them as real human beings with needs, feelings, and aspirations similar to our own.   We have a mentality of abundance rather than scarcity and are willing to share recognition, opportunity, and power, trusting that these will be reciprocated to us.  One person's success does not detract from our own.  We recognize what we have in common and that, in the long run, we will succeed or fail together.

Until next time...

 




Sheryl Tuchman, SPHR, SHRM-SCP
http://tools2succeed.com/

Dialogue for Win/Win Outcomes Part 3

A TEST OF MUTUALITY

Ask yourself the following questions:

• How emotionally safe do I feel (or does the other person feel)?
• Does mutual respect exist?
• Do I act from an attitude of equality rather than superiority or inferiority?
• Can I give and receive honest and accurate data?
• Can I be authentic as opposed to being political or playing games?
• Do I feel goodwill rather than resentment?
• Am I concerned about "us" and not just "me?"

When we have mutuality, we experience others as allies rather than as adversaries.  We respect each other and want to cooperate.  We see that our common interest is bigger than what divides us.  We don't want to play games, manipulate, or control others.  Masks and pretenses are discarded, and we know that we can work together.

Mutuality is not something that we build in a single encounter.  It results from our attitude and behavior on a daily basis.

Until next time...

 




Sheryl Tuchman, SPHR, SHRM-SCP
http://tools2succeed.com/

Dialogue for Win/Win Outcomes Part 2

THREE OBJECTIVES OF DIALOGUE

1. Establish a foundation of mutuality – an atmosphere of unity, respect, and goodwill.
2. Build a pool of shared understanding – a complete and full understanding of the situation from each person's point of view.
3. Solve the problem and make agreements so that everyone wins.

Note that objective #3 cannot be achieved without first achieving objectives #1 and #2.  Objective #2 cannot be achieved without first achieving objective #1.

Dialogue is not always intended to meet all 3 of these objectives.  Sometimes, the purpose of dialogue is simply to establish mutuality.  For example, resentment has built up between 2 individuals which keeps them from working together effectively, so they need to establish unity, respect, and goodwill. 

On other occasions, the purpose of dialogue is to build a pool of shared understanding.  For example, representatives of the U.S. and Vietnam met on a number of occasions after the war to understand each other's decision process during the war, in order to learn the lessons necessary to prevent such tragedies in the future.

On still other occasions, the purpose of dialogue may be to solve a problem.  For example, a management team may need to decide how to allocate limited financial resources among all departments.

Until next time...

 




Sheryl Tuchman, SPHR, SHRM-SCP
http://tools2succeed.com/

Dialogue For Win/Win Outcomes Part 1

WHAT IS DIALOGUE?

Dialogue is creating a pool of shared understanding in an atmosphere of respect and goodwill in order to arrive at a mutually-beneficial outcome.

Dialogue is an alternative to the communication styles of dominating, accommodating, and avoiding.  It is communication that seeks to maximize both the dimensions of advocacy and empathy.

THE DIALOGUE MODEL

Let's look at a model of dialogue.  Dialogue consists of 4 skills:

1. We establish an atmosphere of unity, mutual respect, and goodwill through mutuality.
2. We then encourage others to disclose their point of view and/or inner experience through inquiry.
3. We disclose our own point of view or inner experience through advocacy.
4. We arrive at win/win outcomes through synergy.

The heart of dialogue is inquiry and advocacy which consists of sharing our point of view and listening to the point of view of others until we have created a pool of shared understanding.  Only when all the data is in the pool of shared understanding do we go to the step of synergy in which we make a decision or solve the problem.

Until next time...

 




Sheryl Tuchman, SPHR, SHRM-SCP
http://tools2succeed.com/