skip to main |
skip to sidebar
The Passive Style
This type of communicator avoids confrontation at all costs because passive people never really say what's on their mind. Passive people always put their own needs and concerns last in a desire to be liked and accepted by others. When used too often, this style makes the passive communicator become more and more frustrated because he or she ends up pleasing no one at all! Regardless of whether the cause of the passive behavior is low self-esteem, fear, or guilt, it usually makes the situation worse than it already is. The person who initially seems so willing and accommodating turns out to be withdrawn and overwhelmed, often unable to keep those commitments that are so easily made.
The person who uses passive communication and behavior incorporates some or all of these tactics:
- Allows others to take advantage of him or her
- Sometimes produces rushed, inaccurate, or late results due to taking on too much
- Agrees to all requests and demands, even unreasonable ones, rather than saying "no"
- Becomes overwhelmed and tired; cannot fulfill even basic commitments
- Doesn't complain out loud, but may be angry or hurt underneath
- May ultimately "blow up" after taking abuse from others for a period of time
- Loses others' trust because of lack of follow-through
- Hides the truth, which is often perceived by others as dishonest or lying behavior
- Tries to please everyone, even at his or her own expense
- Feels guilty getting his or her own needs met
- Annoys others by giving vague, noncommittal responses
Until next time...
Sheryl Tuchman, SPHR, SHRM-SCP
http://tools2succeed.com/
Employers and employees alike share a common complaint – the need for better communication in their organizations.
- Good communication can only thrive in the right climate – one that nourishes rather than stifles.
- The secret to any type of communication is trust. We must communicate honestly. Good communication is about feeling good about ourselves.
Styles of Communication
- To build a climate of trust and keep relationships strong and healthy, both parties must commit to being direct with one another. All forms of manipulation, threats, gossip, tattling, intimidation, and behind-the-back game playing must be eliminated in order for trusting relationships to exist.
- There are 4 styles of communication. Each time we communicate in any way, we choose one of these styles. Often, employees say, "I don't consciously decide how to communicate – I just do it." Unfortunately, most people have not been taught the basic skills of communication and are therefore unaware of the options they have. Once we learn about these styles, we will be more in control of what we say and how we react.
- The 4 styles are:
- Assertive: straightforward, honest, caring, reliable
- Aggressive: loud, angry, attacking, whining, guilt-inducing, manipulative
- Passive: timid, avoiding, tentative, nonresponsive, frightened
- Passive/Aggressive: guilt-inducing, dishonest, underhanded, sniping, devious
There are four styles of communication. Each time we communicate in any way, we choose one of these styles. Often, employees say, "I don't consciously decide how to communicate; I just do it!" Everyone has options, though. Becoming aware of these styles will allow you to be more in control of what you say and how you react.
Styles of Communication:
Assertive: Straightforward, Honest, Caring, Reliable
Aggressive: Loud, Angry, Whining, Guilt-inducing, Manipulative
Passive: Timid, Avoiding, Tentative, Non-responsive, Frightened
Passive-Aggressive: Guilt-inducing, Dishonest, Sniping, Devious
Your goal is to use assertive communication as much of the time as possible. Use an "I" message to take responsibility for the issues ("I feel..."). State your opinions respectfully, acknowledging that the other person may see the situation differently. Listen attentively, without bias, pre-judgment, or counterattacks. Most importantly, follow through. Others know that the assertive person always means what he/she says and will do what is promised.
It takes a strong commitment and willingness to say what you mean in a positive, non-threatening way. Sometimes we are tempted to give in to pettiness and game playing, but if we resist and are determined to be assertive, people will get a strong sense that they are being told the truth in a fair and tactful way.
Until next time...
Sheryl Tuchman, SPHR, SHRM-SCP
http://tools2succeed.com/
