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What may be considered a difficult personality?
The answer is subjective. A difficult personality for one person need not be a difficult personality for another. Usually, though, people perceived as difficult are those who manifest inflexible extremes of personality traits. For instance, while being controlling is a desirable trait in a manager, being excessively controlling would just make the people under the manager’s care feel stifled and even abused. Recognition of the need to consult co-workers about major company decisions is a good thing, but when an employee consults everyone else on almost everything to the point that the constant “consultation” is already dependency in disguise, then the person becomes difficult to work with.
When working with a difficult personality, most people’s immediate response is an unhelpful one: a response aimed more at relieving personal stress than creating a more workable relationship. For example, there is a tendency to avoid dominant personality types, lecture the overly-dependent, and exact vengeance on the passive-aggressive. The result is an endless cycle of dysfunctional relating that creates more problems than it solves.
Until next time...
Sheryl Tuchman, SPHR, SHRM-SCP
http://tools2succeed.com/
The Aggressive Style
This type of communication holds nothing back – usually at the other person's expense. The feelings of others are discounted or disregarded, and the interaction is not characterized by respect. The aggressive person gets his or her needs met by controlling others, dominating the situation, and manipulating others. Aggressors literally say or do anything to get their own way, and it doesn't matter who gets hurt. The aggressive style is used because it works! Others give in or give up. However, the bottom line is that any relationship based on fear, control, or guilt will never be successful or healthy in the long-run.
There are 2 basic patterns to aggressive communication, both of which involve manipulating others. The 2 most manipulative emotions are hurt and anger. These 2 emotions are not always manipulative in every situation. Sometimes, they are a normal part of everyday life. We can experience hurt when we feel pain, sorrow, and suffering. We can also experience and show anger when we believe we have been mistreated, taken advantage of, or betrayed. However, when we use these emotions to manipulate another person to get our own needs met, we cross the line between experiencing justified emotions and using these emotions to manipulate others.
When someone is using hurt to manipulate, the goal is to make others feel guilty. Someone who manipulates using hurt often incorporates some or all of these tactics:
- Whines that life is not fair
- Complains without initiating or accepting solutions
- Gripes that other people are "lucky"
- Dwells on the past instead of living in the present
- Blames others for mistakes; often says, "It's not my fault"
- Gets feelings hurt easily
- Needs constant approval and recognition
- Has numerous physical "ailments" that get in the way of doing the job
Until next time...
Sheryl Tuchman, SPHR, SHRM-SCP
http://tools2succeed.com/
